The Ruling on Women Visiting Graves and Etiquettes of Visiting
It is permitted for your mother to visit the grave itself. Of course, this should be done observing proper Islamic dress, not mixing with strange men, nor doing any impermissible actions at the grave such as wailing out loud in grief or similar actions.
The visitation should not be to renew one’s sadness and reopen wounds of grief such that they cause one to lose self-control or weaken in acceptance of Allah’s decree. Rather, it should be to pay one’s respects and reflect on one’s own condition and the reality of this life. [Tahtawi, Hashiya Maraqi and Sarakhsi, al-Mabsut]
Our Muslim brethren who have passed away before us love to be visited by the living believers, and hear their salams and to have the Qur’an read to them. One can read the 3 “Qul” surahs (Ikhlas, Falaq and Nas), Ayat al-Kursi, and especially Yasin, if possible, from the Qur’an.
Below are some links regarding doing good deeds on behalf of the deceased, some manners of visitation, and the supplication that the Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him) used to recite when entering the graveyard.
We ask Allah Most High to increase your family’s reward in bearing this loss patiently, and grant your loved one Paradise.
By Shaykh Faraz Rabbani